Eleven days to go...

It's officially officially Official.

Background check came back clean, (shocker, I know,) travel dates are all set, and I'm girding up the loins of my body and mind to leave home for three months.

People keep asking me if I'm excited, and some of them say it with this look on their face as though they're expecting me to be acting like I would if Christmas and my birthday and a trip to the Bahamas with my family and a huge scholarship happened to me all at once. Well, that's not how I feel.

Sure, I'm excited.

But I'm also scared. The longest I've ever been away from my Mama is sixteen days. I like clean places. I don't like to see people sick when I can't do anything to fix it. I like automatic washing machines. There are lots of bad things that could happen to me when I'm in a third world country, (as an over-abundance of thoughtful people keep reminding me. And then reminding me again.) I don't speak Amharic. Addis is a big city. I may get sick.

So there you have it. My feelings of anticipation are split down the middle. Half is apprehension, and half is excitement.

But you know what I'm 100% sure about?

My Father has taken care of me since the moment I was conceived, and I don't believe for a second that He's going to to stop now. Is His arm shortened, that it cannot reach across the ocean? Is He weaker in Ethiopia than He is in Mississippi?

Of course not! How ridiculous, my mind answers immediately. My mind. I really do know in my head that God is omniscient, omnipresent, kind, and faithful.

But do I believe it in my heart? Will it make a difference in my life? Will I be able to trust Him completely? Trust Him enough to leave my comforts and my security and go where I believe He's calling me to go?

These questions have flooded me the last couple of months. It's one thing to sit at home, or even go about difficult but more "normal" things and say "oh, absolutely I trust God implicitly." It's another to put that into practice when, well, when I'm going to a third world country by myself for a long time.

I've struggled with wondering whether I'll be able to do it. Will I fail? Will I miss the trust-God-completely boat?

And then, all of a sudden, God helped me see how silly I was being. Worrying about whether or not I'll lean fully on God in the future is not going to accomplish anything.

Leaning on Him now, giving everything, (even my self-doubts,) over to Him now, this is what I must do. This is what I can do. And I'm so thankful that I can. Such a sweet relief, isn't it, to rest in Him all the time?