I don't have to be afraid of slithery, slathery snakes who deceptively stretch out like sticks on the path or hide in the bushes in order to chomp innocent passer-byes on the leg. Oh no. Because I have a plan.
Since the path to Laura's and the path to Mamaw's is overshadowed by tall, thick hay which serves as an amazing snake hangout, (I mean, if I were a snake, that's where I'd be,) and since we've already killed three snakes in that general vicinity in the last week, I decided that for my own peace of mind, I'd better have a rock solid plan in place in case I am confronted with one of the belly-crawling demons while wending my way to Laura's or Mamaw's.
*sidenote* btw, I love the word "wend". It's one of my very favorites, and I shall use it at every opportunity. Just warnin' ya.
(In case you haven't already noticed, I hate snakes. Despise them, actually. Kill them at first sight. Or, well, okay, I get someone braver than I to kill them. Now, don't jump on my back and say "you aren't supposed to kill the good snakes, only the bad snakes!" I don't kill the good snakes. As far as I know, I only kill the bad snakes, and since every snake I have ever come across is bad in my book, they all die. Sorry, you non-poisonous snake lovers out there. Snake preservation is just not how this gal rolls.)
Back to my rock solid plan. Firstly, I keep a sharp eye out for sticks, strings, and any other possible sheepskin-esqe disguise which serpents might utilize. If such thing is located, I shall carefully approach said possible disguise until able to asertain - from as far away as possible, and all the while geared up in mind and body to run screeching the opposite direction if advisable - whether it is a snake or merely a guiless snake look-a-like. After assuring myself it is a snake, I will run screaming and yelling in the opposite direction, find Trey or some other brave soul, return to the scene of the prospective crime, and watch, at a safe distance, the execution of the cold-blooded villan. Good plan, huh?
But what, you may ask, will happen if the snake pursues you? Well, number one, I really don't think that's going to happen since I will be screeching bloody murder at the top of my lungs and I have a sneaking suspicion that snakes don't like loud noises. If it does follow, I didn't play freeze tag all those years for nothing, and its hopeless pursuit will only bring it conveniently closer to the shovel and hoe housed in our shed.
Now you know my brilliant defence plan. If you are one of those weird "leave the 'good' snakes" people, I'd advise you to warn your snakes when I'm coming around.
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10 comments:
Isn't 'Katie Larissa' what your mama says when you're getting in trouble? Come to think of it, did parents invent middle names for that purpose? As for your snake defence plan, it violates most of the things my mother has always told me about snakes. Running and screaming is on the list of things never to do around them. Never mind that it is part of the instinctive response of everyone except herpetologists and ten-year-old boys.
Didn't you tell me your English teacher is a Hemingway fan? I imagine she'd disapprove of the number of adjectives in your writing. I on the other hand freely admit that I find it refreshingly old-fashioned.
By the way, I already knew you didn't like snakes, but now all and sundry can find it out! Isn't that exciting?!!!!
One last thing: I love your Anne quote.
Yours ramblingly (and tongue-in-cheekingly),
Emma
i've never really understood why running and screaming were bad. Because I'm probably faster than most of the snakes around here.
And yes, middle names were invented expressly for the purpose of having more to yell at naughty children. Mama always says Kathyrn Larissa then, and sundry other members of my family say Katie Lou occasionally, but I am NOT fond of that moniker.
And yes, my lit teacher does like Hemingway, but she also likes Fitzgerald and Faulkner, who are not exactly sparse in their adjectives. Adjectives are to me the food of life, as anyone who reads what I write for very long will realize.
Oh gosh. I didn't know you had entered this world.
Umm...ummm...(trying to think of something nice or pleasant to say)...um..
i give up. Friend to friend, I think this probably wasn't such a good idea. To boldly go where too many have already gone before.
Nothing personal, really. Tell you the truth, I think you woudl have better things to say than the vast majority of people in the somewhat rsik-free enterprise of blogging. And if I am going to talk, i ought to start by gettign rid of my own 1.5 year-old site.
Despite any of my own protests, I will be stoppign by often.
Oops. i lost that, and had to rewrite it. I didn't mean for it to have a rude rather than tongue-in-cheek tone. And I especially didn't mean to have all those typos.
Well, Jake, thanks for the overwhelming supply of encouragement. (wry smile)
No, really, thanks for the friendly, ummm... warning after the fact? I appreciate your honesty, and I'll keep all the implications of blogging in mind.
Reading this, I had to tell you about an experience we had today that you would have loved. Mercy and I ran into a kingsnake that was like, over four feet long. I wish you had been there! We followed halfway across the yard, got to hold, &c. Aren't snakes delightful?
You're hilarious, Jake.
screaming bloody murder is a good plan!
I love snakes. They're among my top 5 favorite animals.
Hannah Brandon
i'm definitely with you, Nasada!
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