Well, at Least There's Hot Tea

I recently started taking vitamins. You know, the vitamins which come in ginormous pills big enough to choke a horse. Ugh.

But I have been laboring under the delusion that taking these dragon-size pills would make me healthier. Stronger. Boost my immune system. Prove their salt with my unsurpassed energy and well-being.

I mean, that's what the bottle proclaims.

Liar.

Last night, as I lay in bed, I felt something in the back of my throat. A sort of rough soreness. My food had tasted tainted all day, like when you eat during a cold and the drainage keeps you from tasting things. And I had coughed several times without any apparent explanation. But I couldn't have a cold. Oh, no. Because I am taking vitamins. But after a few minutes, I was forced to get up and swallow more horse pills, only this time they were for already-here-sickness. Double ugh.

This morning I have drunk hot peppermint and lemon tea, and am preparing myself to gargle salt water with a dash of whiskey. They say gargling whiskey is good for sore throats. I wouldn't know, because I've never been able to hold it in my mouth for longer than 1/4 of a second.

There is a moral to this story. Don't bother taking vitamins. It's a dirty medicinal conspiracy to generate more money for the vitamin proscribers and distributors.